saw programme on the telly before about paedophiles, they said you could have one living next door and not even know it. not next to me though as it's where those horny 10 year old twins live:hungry:
walked in on my mate shagging my 11 year old niece the other day, i was fookin' livid...the two timing bitch!!
Micheal Barrymores ears pricked up at news Tom Daley has come out as gay.....someone who takes up up the arse and can swim !
I bought the wife a David Moyes lamp for Christmas. It sits nicely in the middle of the table.... Sent from my LT26i using Tapatalk
My son just asked me for a pet spider for christmas, so i went to the local pet shop to get one... £70!!!!!!! ffs Sod that !!! i'll get one off the web..
Why do women blame men for the Wet Patch? If you use a hose to fill a bucket and water leaks out of the bucket....would you start looking for a problem in the hose?
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
Stevie wonder got a cheese grater for Xmas ...........he said it was the most violent book he had ever read !
A bloke walked into a bar with a poodle. The bar keeper said, "Sorry, no dogs allowed in here." He said, "But he's my guide dog." The bar keeper said. "Do you think I'm stupid? Guide dogs are Labradors or Alsatians, everyone knows that." He said, "What have I got then?"
I met my girlfriends parents the other day, her dad took me to one side and said "if you hurt her your fucking dead". I told him there was no chance of that cos I only have a small cock and her arsehole is like a hippos's yawn !!! Sent from my LT26i using Tapatalk
A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed. “If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?” he asked. “Yes!” said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel. “Go and get help!” he cried. “But I can’t. I’m naked and my clothes are gone!” “Take my shoe”, he said, “and cover yourself.” Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, “Please help me! My boyfriend’s stuck!” The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, “There’s nothing I can do…he’s in too far.”
I just learned that lions have the longest sexual endurance out of all mammals. I also got a lifetime ban from the zoo.
When I die I want my ashes spread on a beach, that way I've still got a chance of getting in girls pants.
I got arrested for punching this guy at a new years eve party... when you hear an Arab counting down from ten your instincts just kick in.
A young couple moves into a new neighborhood. The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside. "Tha...t laundry is not very clean; she doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap." Her husband looks on, remaining silent. Every time her neighbor hangs her wash to dry, the young woman makes the same comments. A month later, the woman is surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and says to her husband: "Look, she's finally learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this? " The husband replies, "I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows." And so it is with life... What we see when watching others depends on the clarity of the window through which we look. And then the fight started.
A Man Is Walking Behind His Wife After Few Minute He Notice Something And And Says Husband: “Baby You Are So Fat Now Your Bum Looks Like A Washing Machine.” The Woman Keeps Quiet And Keeps Walking. Bed Time, The Man Is Asking For Sex. The Woman Says: “I Can’t Start The Washing Machine For Such A Small Load. You’ll Have To Hand Wash!“
