A Horse walked into a bar and order a pint of bitter, Several patrons saw the potential danger in the situation and left.
A Jew, A Muslim and a Catholic Priest walk into a bar... They all ordered their drinks, drank them and went on their way without any issues
Then the muslim was killed by his brothers who had put a jihad on him for drinking alcohol. Well....its funny to me anyway...
My dwarf girlfriend went to work this morning upset with me, because I've been taking the piss out of her size. So I'm going all out to make it up to her tonight. I've got a good bottle of wine in and bought her the latest dvd box set of her favourite programme. When she gets in from work I'm going to order her favourite takeaway for her tea, then go upstairs and run her a nice hot sink.
I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed…... How could anyone stoop so low?
How many Country & Western singers does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change the bulb and one to sing about how much they miss the old one. I'll get my coat...
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
Q: Why were hurricanes formerly named after women? A: Because when they come, they’re wild and wet, and when they go, they take your house, boat and car with them !
The UK's first bus powered by human waste has been involved in a 'near miss' in Bristol earlier today. Accident investigators are examining a huge skid mark left on a bend....
A bloke is sitting in the doctors waiting room enjoying his paper when another patient sits down next to him and says, "M m m m morni'n, a a a a anyting g g g good in the p p p paper?" "I am still trying to read it!" "O o o oh, s s s so are y y you here t t to see the d d doctor then? "Look, I'm not in the mood for a chat, but YES, I'm here to see a doctor!" "Oh, s s s so a a what's up t t then?" "If you MUST know, I have prostrate trouble." "Ah w w w what's t t that then?" "If it's any of your business, I piss like you talk."
A man took his pet rabbit to the vet. The vet examined it and said, " I'm really sorry, but your rabbit has passed away." The man was devastated and demanded a second opinion. The vet opened a door and a Labrador walked into the surgery. He jumped up onto the table and carefully sniffed around the rabbit. With sad eyes, he looked at the vet and shook his head. The owner was still not satisfied, he said, "I demand that you do something for my rabbit!" The vet opened a second door and a large cat walked in. He quickly jumped on the table and pawed at the rabbit. After a few minutes he gave up and left the surgery. The vet said, "I am really sorry, but there was nothing I could do, here is my bill for £300." "£300!! Are you crazy, why is it so expensive?" The vet said, "well it would have been £50... But then there was the Lab report...... And the Cat scan...."
Japanese Sex Story A Japanese couple is arguing about how to perform highly erotic sex: Husband: "Sukitaki. mojitaka!" Wife replies: "Kowanini! mowi janakpa!" Husband says angrily: "Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!" Wife on her knees literally begging: "Mimi nakoundinda tinkouji!" Husband shouts angrily: "Na miaou kina Tim kouji!" >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I Can't believe you just sat there trying to read this – you don’t know Japanese. You'll read anything as long as it’s about sex.... you need serious help!!! Sometimes I worry about you.
