Get me out of here!

SON:-

"Look dad, I can't keep coming round here three and four times a day to see to you, I've got a family of my own to look after now. I've been thinking, maybe it's time we moved you into an Old People's Home".

OLD MAN:-

"If you think you can put me away in one of those places, you've another thing coming, I've heard all about those Old Folks Homes on the Telly, and I won't go, do yer hear me I won't go, and that's the end of it".

SON:-

"Look dad, there not as bad as you think, they've got regulations to protect Old Folks these days. Anyway I've found a really good one, and it's only round the corner from us. We'll be able to see you every day".

OLD MAN:-

"Well........ I must say I like the idea of you being closer to you and Mary and the kids, and you know I don't want to be a burden. What else can you tell me about it?",

SON:-

"You can find out for yourself dad. I've spoken to the Matron, and she said you can go in for one day and one night for a trial period, free of charge. What do you think about that?".

OLD MAN:-

"Well go on then, I'll give it a try, For one day and one night only mind you".

SON:-

"Right dad, I'll make the arrangements. I think you'll be able to go in tomorrow night at about 9pm. I'll be round to pick you up at 8:30pm. The Matron said not to bother with supper, you'll be able to have it there before you go to bed".

THE NEXT EVENING

SON:-

"I'm here dad, are you ready".

OLD MAN:-

"Yes I'm ready, get my bag with my thing in it from under the stairs".

A LITTLE LATER AT THE OLD PEOPLE'S HOME

NURSE:-

"Good evening Mr Brocklehurst, we've been expecting you. I'll take you through to the dining room for your supper, then I've arranged for you to have a nice warm relaxing bath, followed by one of my special, Olive Oil, all over, full body massages before bed. I'll pop in tho tuck you in and give you a good night kiss when you've settled down"

SON:-

"Well thank you nurse, I hope he decides to stay".

NURSE:-

"Don't worry Mr Brocklehurst, when I've finished with your father, he'll never want to go home again".

LATER THAT NIGHT

OLD MAN:-

Thank you nurse. That hot bath and all over body massage you gave me has made me feel quite frisky".

NURSE:-

"Now, now, Mr Brocklehurst, that was supposed to make you feel relaxed and sleepy, now let me tuck you in and give you a good night kiss".

OLD MAN:-

"Now look what you've done", he said, throwing back the bed covers and reviling an enormous erection.

NURSE:-

"Don't worry about that" she said, "I always finish what I start", and preceded to give him a bl*w j*b.

OLD MAN:-

After the nurse had left, The Old Man got onto the telephone to his son. "Bill" he said, "don't bother to come for me tomorrow, I've decided to stay for good. This place is marvellous"

SON:-

"Oh dad! I'm so pleased you've made up your mind, you've no idea what a relief it is for Mary and me to hear you're happy and settled"

OLD MAN:-

In the early hours, the Old Man fell out of bed. A Male Nurse came in to see what all the noise was. The Old Man was on the floor on his hands and knees without his pyjama bottoms and his arse sticking up in the air.

MALE NURSE:-

"Oh daddy! so that's what you want is it", and preceded to screw the Old Man. After he'd finished, he put the Old Man's pyjamas back on, put him back to bed, tucked him in and gave him a good night kiss before leaving.

OLD MAN:-

The Old Man fumbled for the phone on his bed side locker to telephone his son. "Bill, is that you? I want you to come and get me out of here at once"

SON:-

"But dad, you telephoned me not two hours ago to say you loved the place, what's changed your mind all at once?"

OLD MAN:-

"Look son, let me put it like this, I get an hard on twice a year, and I fall out of bed every night, NOW GET ME OUT OF HERE"