A driver was stopped for speeding. When asked for his occupation he replies,"Rectum Stretcher". "What the fucks that?" asks the cop. Driver says, "you put 1 finger in, then 2, then a hand, until its 6ft wide." Cop asks, "What the fuck do u do with a 6ft arsehole?" Driver replies, "give it a fucking uniform and a speed gun!" Woman standing nude, looks in bedroom mirror and says to her husband " i look horrible, fat and ugly, pay me a compliment," Husband replies "your eyesights fucking spot on!" Definition of true bravery........................ Comming home pissed, covered in lipstick, smelling of perfume. then slapping the wife on the arse and saying "your next fatty!!"
