FOUND THESE ---One Liners.

Discussion in 'Humour' started by PIPES, Mar 26, 2015.

  1. PIPES

    PIPES New Member

    One Liners.

    Murphy says to Paddy, "What ya talkin into an envelope for?"
    "I’m sending a voicemail ya fool.

    Paddy says "Mick, I’m thinking of buying a Labrador".
    "Blow that" says Mick, "Have you seen how many of their owners go blind".

    19 Paddies go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks,"Why so many of you?"
    Mick replies, "The film said 18 or over".

    I start a new job in Seoul nrxt week.
    I thought it was a good Korea move.

    My neighbour knocked on my door at 2.30 am this morning, can you believe that 2.30 am?
    Luckily for him I was up playing my Bagpipes.

    I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.
    She said she would come back as a cow.
    I said "You’re obviously not listening."

    The wife has been missing a week now. Police said prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothrs back.

    Two Muslins have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in london.
    Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.

    Sat opposite an Imdian lady on the train to day, she shut her eyes and stopped breathing. I thought she was dead, until I saw the red spot on her forehead and realised she was on standby.

    The wife was counting all the 5ps and 10ps out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no trason.I thought to myself, "She’s going through the change."

    When I was in the pub I heard a couple of plonkers saying that they wouldn’t feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman.
    What a pair of sexists. I mean, it’s not as if she’d have to reverse the bloody thing.!

    Local Police hunting the ’kitting needle nutter’ who has stabbed six people could be following some kind of pattern.

    An Asian fellow has moved in next door. He has travelled the world, swum with sharks, wrestled bears and climbed the highrst mountain.
    It came as no surprise to learn his name was,
    Bindaire Dundat.
    6 people like this.
  2. Dave

    Dave Moderator Staff Member

    Some good ones there mate , had a chuckle
  3. KTM_Dude

    KTM_Dude TT 2015 Booked! Oh yeah! VIP Member

    I'm going to use a few of those :)

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